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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Long story very short. My best friend of 35 years has betrayed me by not providing me with some vital information in regards to a mutual situation.

I am going to say that this “best friendship” is becoming so one sided. Nothing is reciprocal.

Our kids were babies together. We have so much history.

I am devastated, hurt and want to drop kick her to the curb! The resentment is starting to fester.

Don’t tell me to “move on” because I can’t.

I need to say something to her now.
Hubby says”when the timing is right”.


Her husband is just as bad as she is. My husband says he is done with both of them.

It’s funny how the people you’d take a bullet for, are the ones behind the trigger.

Any life lessons you have learned along way?
 

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You can't control other people. Some will surprise you, some will disappoint you. Be the best person YOU can be and learn to live with the rest. You can move on, sometimes you have no choice, how you move on is entirely up to you.

Sorry for saying it, but it is what it is.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
You can't control other people. Some will surprise you, some will disappoint you. Be the best person YOU can be and learn to live with the rest. You can move on, sometimes you have no choice, how you move on is entirely up to you.

Sorry for saying it, but it is what it is.
Subjectivity plays apart in a lot of friendships though and I think that’s what is hindering me.
 

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Without knowing the whole story it's hard to judge either side. As they say there are always 3 truths, yours, theirs and what lays in the middle. Like Dave said though, it's all how you deal with it and I'm sure you'll pick a route that's right for you. In the end though I think you'll end up having a lot of people tell you exactly what you said not to say but you probably already know because you mentioned it. Get mad, have a brownie and a matcha smoothie or two, vent and carry on!
 

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Sometimes confrontation is the only option, but it has to include the opportunity for the accused to present their case. Right or wrong, good or bad, you're not obliged to accept their case, but it's only fair to hear it. It's up to you if it's good enough.

Sometimes too, things just run their course and they're done. It's tough to accept, but all things must pass.
 

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@Lola, @davetcan nailed it.

The only thing I would add to try to help you accept it is that, if your "mutual situation" involved money and your friend withheld information to give herself more money, your situation is all too common. I've been *amazed* many times at what people will do for a few thousand dollars.

Hope it's resolved soon, in your heart if not with her.
 

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Although my experience is limited with anything like betrayal, usually it doesn't make the situation worse to actually tell a friend what you're feeling, and sometimes the openness will clear the air.
 

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The vast majority of people, not all, but the vast majority are out for number one. I can understand this in many respects. Over the years I have seen many, many friendships implode and people left wondering why. Money, loans for example will destroy a friendship very quickly. I never loan money to anyone. I may give them money, but I do that with no expectation of getting it back. The cases of that are extremely small as well. Family, if I help out it's just helping out, not loans. People have different personalities. Some people have dozens of "friends". I have 2 and they are 30 plus year friendships. I have many "acquaintances" but 2 friends. Those 2 friends can have my blood if they need it, and I know I could have theirs if need be. Many people say "she is my friend" but is she really? Many can probably be put into the "acquaintance" category. A real friend, a true friend is hard to come by. Acquaintances can come and go.

Outside of my wife, not many people are allowed into my private space, inside my head and especially inside my heart. I find that works best for me.

Good luck with this one. In the end though, it's you that has to come first.
 

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Resentment is like taking poison and hoping it'll kill someone else.
I like that. Think I'll steal it! :)

To the OP, It's your choice not to move on but nobody's fault but your own if it bites you again. Some lessons are hard. All the best.
 
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Resentment is like taking poison and hoping it'll kill someone else.

Cut her off, get her out of your life. You can only control you.
The more you think about it and talk about it the more it will bother you in my opinion. Write a letter, put it in the drawer and read it/ edit a couple times. Tell the person in private the way their action have made you feel (not what they’ve done). There’s no arguing how you feel.
If they refuse to amend, politely say goodbye
 

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It’s funny how the people you’d take a bullet for, are the ones behind the trigger.
Wow...thats a great line. Did you come up with that or is it from a song?

I have learned that people are what they are, you can't change them You accept them and forgive them.
 

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So, did you ASK for the information?

Betrayal is a weird word to use, like you were played vs an external third party.
 

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I wish the people we expected to have in our lives for all of our lives didn't change from what made us want that in the first place. But sadly, it happens. Sometimes it can be because of blowouts, or betrayal. Sometimes because people move away and you just lose contact. Sometimes because they simply change, or because we change and they don't, and the basis of the friendship dissolves.

A guy I had been friends with since 1957 or 58, despite his family and he moving first to one coast, then to the other, then back here, and Toronto, decided unilaterally in 2001 or so, that I was his enemy. This was the same guy who had introduced me to the blues, Frank Zappa, Jimi Hendrix, Country Joe and the Fish, the Fugs, William Burroughs, John Waters, when we were both teens and young men. We had drawn comic books together, made up goofy satirical song lyrics together, gone to shows together, the whole nine yards. We had a bit of a falling out several years earlier, but made up and resumed hanging out, then out of the blue he started leaving harassing voice-mails at work, accusing me of things I hadn't done, and making crank calls at my home. When I helped move him from Toronto to Ottawa, several years earlier, he mentioned on the drive that he tended to drive people away. I had some concerns about his psyche. Though cultured and literate, he had been fascinated with horror and the macabre from an early age. No trip to the magazine stand was complete without him delving into Famous Monsters of Filmland or later on, Fangoria. So, in some respects, he may have simply decided to isolate himself.

Were he o call me out of the blue and aim for a rapprochement, I'd be his buddy again in a heartbeat. But until that happens, it just hurts too much to have anything to do with him. I just can't take that chance.

So I understand Lola's predicament...sort of. Obviously there is information I'm/we're not privy to, which is as it should be.
 

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"Betrayal" is a big word and can mean anything from turning you over to the SS to telling someone else they don't like your hair so it's pretty hard to comment on this one without knowing more. It's also been my experience that "Real" friends can work through some pretty serious shit together.
 

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Your peace is way more important than driving your self crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did. Let it go.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Wow...thats a great line. Did you come up with that or is it from a song?

I have learned that people are what they are, you can't change them You accept them and forgive them.
I will not forgive these ppl. They outright lied to my face and my husbands about something that was very significant. I have written both of them off.

This is not the first time they blatantly lied to us. I am done.
 
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