[boyscout]

Here's one for all the ladies here @Lola and the guys who will admit to a soft side.

A guy and his friends and family ran a political-style convention 20 years ago to "elect" his bride. He married the winning stranger immediately at Mall of America in front of 2,000 people.

The marriage sounds like it was very good for 20 years, until the guy died on Sunday. A touching story.

http://nationalpost.com/news/canada...ocial&utm_source=Twitter#link_time=1527090991

 

[Steadfastly]

It seems they made the marriage work but the best way is to make sure you are as compatible as can be and be willing to compromise, at least in small things, if you want the marriage to last.

 

[cheezyridr]

It seems they made the marriage work but the best way is to make sure you are as compatible as can be and be willing to compromise, at least in small things, if you want the marriage to last.

not these days it ain't.

 

[Guest]

Convert to Islam or some other eastern religion where the wife has no say what so ever.
She'll be compliant, or else.

 

[Mooh]

They sound like good people to me. They took a calculated risk and won. It's heartwarming.

 

[Lola]

That is a real “love story”.

Just beautiful.

It worked for them.

 

[Diablo]

not these days it ain't.

how so?
I don't usually agree with steadly, but I think his points in the most basic sense ring true, at least from my experience.

 

[Hamstrung]

I heard (admittedly anecdotal) that in studies of arranged marriages vs "love" marriages the success rate is about the same.

 

[Mooh]

Fuck cancer. That shit stole my sister, my fishing buddy, my aunt, screwed up the sex life of all the men in my family (including me), and is soon going to take a cousin.
Fuck it, just fuck it. Sometimes I feel like vaulting out of a trench with bayonet on my rifle and run screaming bloody murder at it and stab it to death...or die in the attempt.

"Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight,
Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight" [Bruce Cockburn]

 

[cboutilier]

Fuck cancer. That shit stole my sister, my fishing buddy, my aunt, screwed up the sex life of all the men in my family (including me), and is soon going to take a cousin.
Fuck it, just fuck it. Sometimes I feel like vaulting out of a trench with bayonet on my rifle and run screaming bloody murder at it and stab it to death...or die in the attempt.

"Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight,
Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight" [Bruce Cockburn]

Agreed. Fuck cancer. A close family friend of mine turned his entire life around. Quit drinking and smoking, started eating right, lost close to 200lbs, etc. He was a brand new man, ready take on a new life at 40 years old.

His reward: a seizure caused by terminal brain cancer.

 

[Lola]

Agreed! FUCK CANCER. It’s slowly eating at my husband day by day and I hate it.

It’s taken a beautiful human being and made his life a living hell. The fallout is horrendous.

We have a pact between us.

 

[Diablo]

I heard (admittedly anecdotal) that in studies of arranged marriages vs "love" marriages the success rate is about the same.

it probably depends on how you define success for each.
I imagine in an arranged marriage where the expectation is you are stuck with each except for extraordinary circumstances, the divorce rate would be low.

similarly, make divorces illegal and I'm sure you'll find the "success rate" of marriages to go through the roof

less facetiously, I think different cultures view marriage differently. western culture has a very romanticized view, whereas other cultures see it as a more pragmatic partnership of sorts.

 

[cheezyridr]

how so?
I don't usually agree with steadly, but I think his points in the most basic sense ring true, at least from my experience.

it is a rare thing these days for a marriage to "go all the way".
government statistics give you data by the year, so if they tell you a percentage, it is of the marriages that happened in that year. the actual divorce rate is much higher, because the longer you are married, the greater the possibility (statistically) that you will divorce. 2nd and 3rd marriages have an enormous failure rate. the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is somewhere around 73% iirc. the numbers for all marriages vs. the number of marriages that happen in a given year are vastly different. divorce numbers climb sharply after the 3rd year, jump again at the 5th year, and by the 10th, the number is higher still. the past few years, the number of divorces are beginning to dip slightly because the number of marriages is declining as younger people cohabitate more, or avoid marriage altogether. these days, marriage is a losing proposition for the man, and more men are beginning to recognize it.
that's why when you see someone who is married to one person for their whole life, they are an outlier, and as such are truly special. just being compliant has little to do with the success of your marriage.

 

[Lola]

just being compliant has little to do with the success of your marriage.

I am compliant to a degree but I will never oblige, obey or yield to anyone including my hubby especially in a submissive way.

I had the word “obey” taken out of my marriage vows.

 

[Budda]

these days, marriage is a losing proposition for the man, and more men are beginning to recognize it.

It helps to get married for the right reasons in the first place.

 

[Guest]

I had the word “obey” taken out of my marriage vows.

But left it in for his?

 

[Lola]

But left it in for his?

Taken out of “our” marriage vows.

 

[Diablo]

it is a rare thing these days for a marriage to "go all the way".
government statistics give you data by the year, so if they tell you a percentage, it is of the marriages that happened in that year. the actual divorce rate is much higher, because the longer you are married, the greater the possibility (statistically) that you will divorce. 2nd and 3rd marriages have an enormous failure rate. the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is somewhere around 73% iirc. the numbers for all marriages vs. the number of marriages that happen in a given year are vastly different. divorce numbers climb sharply after the 3rd year, jump again at the 5th year, and by the 10th, the number is higher still. the past few years, the number of divorces are beginning to dip slightly because the number of marriages is declining as younger people cohabitate more, or avoid marriage altogether. these days, marriage is a losing proposition for the man, and more men are beginning to recognize it.
that's why when you see someone who is married to one person for their whole life, they are an outlier, and as such are truly special. just being compliant has little to do with the success of your marriage.

I agree with the bulk of your post.... but the last sentence/conclusion, to me, does not logically follow.
And you make it sound like successful marriages are pure fluke.

 

[GuitarT]

it is a rare thing these days for a marriage to "go all the way".
government statistics give you data by the year, so if they tell you a percentage, it is of the marriages that happened in that year. the actual divorce rate is much higher, because the longer you are married, the greater the possibility (statistically) that you will divorce. 2nd and 3rd marriages have an enormous failure rate. the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is somewhere around 73% iirc. the numbers for all marriages vs. the number of marriages that happen in a given year are vastly different. divorce numbers climb sharply after the 3rd year, jump again at the 5th year, and by the 10th, the number is higher still. the past few years, the number of divorces are beginning to dip slightly because the number of marriages is declining as younger people cohabitate more, or avoid marriage altogether. these days, marriage is a losing proposition for the man, and more men are beginning to recognize it.
that's why when you see someone who is married to one person for their whole life, they are an outlier, and as such are truly special. just being compliant has little to do with the success of your marriage.

You are correct, you have to look at long term stats as divorce rates fluctuate at different points in the marriage but the fact is that in Canada around 60% of first time marriages are still surviving at the 30 year mark.

 

[Mooh]

Sorry about my little outburst earlier in the thread.

Back to the subject at hand...I don't know if this is that much different than two people who meet, have what would have been a one night stand as virtual strangers but continue to hang out, shack up, until it becomes permanent. I suppose the difference is in when the commitment to permanence happens. One is a little sordid while the other is quirky (a word Mrs. Mooh loves to use).