"i can't do anything with him/her". has been around as long as parents and children have....I know, I'm almost that old:zzz: Fifty years ago, spanking was acceptable, not now, fifty years from now, "parenting skills" of today probably won't be acceptable either. Nothing stays the same except change. Part of our evolution I guess, hopefully for the better.
Spanking...
...hard to believe that in 2007 there are some who still defend this barabaric substitute for good parenting skills. my theory is that the same parents who advocate spanking are the ones whose "no" actually means "try harder". the same parents who will subsequently complain "i can't do anything with him/her".
-dh
-dh
1 - 20 of 72 Posts
Spank
Some say its abuse...........it is if you are doing it on a regular basis and are causing broken bones bruises etc.... and this is illegal.
I have 6 kids of my own and although I was guilty of losing it sometimes when I was a young parent and did spank them when I thought it was warranted, which was not very often. I learned that in my case, that depriving them of privileges works a lot better when discipline was the goal.
On the other side of the coin.......the 3 eldest in our family myself included were given a royal shellacing when we screwed up........with my 3 younger siblings my parents decided that they didnt want that approach with them...they were getting older and decided it didnt help us.......but I think it did.
I have noticed that my younger siblings dont have the high degree of respect for my parents as us older ones. They also are still clinging to them and rely on them too much.
With some kids, you can talk to them until you are blue in the face, deprive them of privileges and it doesnt work at all.
luckily mine do listen but I have to repeat myself a lot. All we can do is guide them because they will do what they want anyway.
This is a tough one............I remember when i was young I used to be dealt with by corporal punishment when I did something wrong and I did do some incredibly wrong things.............and I turned out okay.david henman said:...hard to believe that in 2007 there are some who still defend this barabaric substitute for good parenting skills. my theory is that the same parents who advocate spanking are the ones whose "no" actually means "try harder". the same parents who will subsequently complain "i can't do anything with him/her".
-dh
Some say its abuse...........it is if you are doing it on a regular basis and are causing broken bones bruises etc.... and this is illegal.
I have 6 kids of my own and although I was guilty of losing it sometimes when I was a young parent and did spank them when I thought it was warranted, which was not very often. I learned that in my case, that depriving them of privileges works a lot better when discipline was the goal.
On the other side of the coin.......the 3 eldest in our family myself included were given a royal shellacing when we screwed up........with my 3 younger siblings my parents decided that they didnt want that approach with them...they were getting older and decided it didnt help us.......but I think it did.
I have noticed that my younger siblings dont have the high degree of respect for my parents as us older ones. They also are still clinging to them and rely on them too much.
With some kids, you can talk to them until you are blue in the face, deprive them of privileges and it doesnt work at all.
luckily mine do listen but I have to repeat myself a lot. All we can do is guide them because they will do what they want anyway.
I wouldn't classify regular spanking as child abuse either. I certainly don't think a parent should be locked away or have their kids taken away because they gave their kid a good kick in the ass (I know I deserved a few in my youth). However, regular spanking is completely ineffective as a method of parenting. What does work is setting rules, and STICKING TO IT - once you've made a decision you cannot let the kid eventually get their way if they just keep pushing. How many episodes of Super Nanny have you seen where this is exactly the parent's problem? Their kids run wild and they can't control them because they have no credibility. Even spankers have the same wild kids.
I see soo many kids today which aren't spanked, and they are the worst behaved generation yet. Explain that.
Fear and respect.
Both will allow you to enforce your will onto your children.
Respect works incredibly well, and teaches the child the difference between right and wrong by example. It allows you to pass on skills to your child and makes them think about their actions and make choices appropriately.
Fear works only when the threat is present, and the child quickly learns that they can do what ever they want when fear is not looming. People that are controlled by fear often turn out to be 'followers' as opposed to 'Leaders'.
Then of course, there is no controll at all which is kind of like gambling with your kids life.
All just my opinion, as usual.
Both will allow you to enforce your will onto your children.
Respect works incredibly well, and teaches the child the difference between right and wrong by example. It allows you to pass on skills to your child and makes them think about their actions and make choices appropriately.
Fear works only when the threat is present, and the child quickly learns that they can do what ever they want when fear is not looming. People that are controlled by fear often turn out to be 'followers' as opposed to 'Leaders'.
Then of course, there is no controll at all which is kind of like gambling with your kids life.
All just my opinion, as usual.
Interesting thread. Wouldn't be surprised to see lots of opinions on this.
If there are any other members here that are at the upper end of the "boomer" age, they may remember very well that it wasn't unusual to be disciplined at home. Yes that did include getting spanked, or on the very rare occasion getting a a real good whollop. But the discipline did not end at home. If we got out of line at school, common practice was the strap, or in some cases the ruler. Seems that there was a common methodology of dealing with kids who, for whatever reason, misbehaved. There used to be an old saying....spare the rod, spoil the child.
Having two kids of my own, now 17 and 21, when they were young, admittedly on occasion, they would get spanked. Not very often mind you but it happened. As they grew older, they started to realize that it's better to behave. Now if they screw up, and yes they still do, we talk things through. I agree that parenting skills are important, and most parents do their best, but after all we have never been parents before. If some kids today are perceived as being bad, may it's the parents who should be looked at. No expert at any of this....still flying by the seat of my pants. Just trying to do the best for my kids and steer them in the right direction.
If there are any other members here that are at the upper end of the "boomer" age, they may remember very well that it wasn't unusual to be disciplined at home. Yes that did include getting spanked, or on the very rare occasion getting a a real good whollop. But the discipline did not end at home. If we got out of line at school, common practice was the strap, or in some cases the ruler. Seems that there was a common methodology of dealing with kids who, for whatever reason, misbehaved. There used to be an old saying....spare the rod, spoil the child.
Having two kids of my own, now 17 and 21, when they were young, admittedly on occasion, they would get spanked. Not very often mind you but it happened. As they grew older, they started to realize that it's better to behave. Now if they screw up, and yes they still do, we talk things through. I agree that parenting skills are important, and most parents do their best, but after all we have never been parents before. If some kids today are perceived as being bad, may it's the parents who should be looked at. No expert at any of this....still flying by the seat of my pants. Just trying to do the best for my kids and steer them in the right direction.
GuitaristZ said:I see soo many kids today which aren't spanked, and they are the worst behaved generation yet. Explain that.
...explain what?
do you have any statistics to support your theory?
my parents never, ever laid a hand on me. i did receive a strapping at school. i don't remember what for, nor do i recall any lesson learned. i do, however, clearly remember both the pain and the humiliation.
i have little doubt that fear, pain and humiliation get the job done. if you want your children to fear you, and to experience pain and humiliation, spanking will definitely accomplish that. and its a hell of a lot easier than doing the right thing, which is learning to communicate with your children, as well as sticking to your word.
-dh
david henman said:...hard to believe that in 2007 there are some who still defend this barabaric substitute for good parenting skills. my theory is that the same parents who advocate spanking are the ones whose "no" actually means "try harder". the same parents who will subsequently complain "i can't do anything with him/her".
-dh
No offense, but you opened this "discussion" with a near-straw man ("barbaric substitute") and then state that spanking will only cause pain and humiliation...your viewpoint on this type of discipline is your opinion.david henman said:if you want your children to fear you, and to experience pain and humiliation, spanking will definitely accomplish that. and its a hell of a lot easier than doing the right thing, which is learning to communicate with your children, as well as sticking to your word.
It discourages people with a different opinion from speaking up, as you have already declared the practice to be horrific and wrong.
I did get a spanking or two as a child , and maybe it served me.. But the most important point is to be consistent and stick to your word . My girlfriend's mom for example , is really bad at that .
One day his little brother ( who's like 14 or 15 ) was throwing a fit for I don't know what , and sometomes he gets away with it because she feels good that day . But that time , she yelled at him , then he went outside and hit the house with a shovel and broke the wall covering a bit . He then came back inside , and she grabbed/ punched him in the face(he had a skidoo helmet on ) and broke the visor . A couple of hours later , she came to her senses... Who's paying the helmet ? Who's paying the wall covering?
On the other hand , my mom rules . One day , we went to a construction site me and my brother . A friend of mine told her , and when we got back we were grounded...So we got angry , and proceded to empty our drawers on the floor of our bedroom( we were like 5 and 7 years old) . Then we bring her to the room , and say something like"If you're not nice with us , we won't be nice with you" . My girlfriend's mom would probably have yelled , slapped , and picked up the clothes... But my mom said" Oh . Too bad you'll have to put it back in the drawer... " and exited the room . That day we learned that there's a consequence to your actions , and I don't remember doing stupid things like that again .
(sorry if that's a bit long and confused , my english is not that good )
One day his little brother ( who's like 14 or 15 ) was throwing a fit for I don't know what , and sometomes he gets away with it because she feels good that day . But that time , she yelled at him , then he went outside and hit the house with a shovel and broke the wall covering a bit . He then came back inside , and she grabbed/ punched him in the face(he had a skidoo helmet on ) and broke the visor . A couple of hours later , she came to her senses... Who's paying the helmet ? Who's paying the wall covering?
On the other hand , my mom rules . One day , we went to a construction site me and my brother . A friend of mine told her , and when we got back we were grounded...So we got angry , and proceded to empty our drawers on the floor of our bedroom( we were like 5 and 7 years old) . Then we bring her to the room , and say something like"If you're not nice with us , we won't be nice with you" . My girlfriend's mom would probably have yelled , slapped , and picked up the clothes... But my mom said" Oh . Too bad you'll have to put it back in the drawer... " and exited the room . That day we learned that there's a consequence to your actions , and I don't remember doing stupid things like that again .
(sorry if that's a bit long and confused , my english is not that good )
...yes, i understand that. it was not the best approach for me to take.The Kicker Of Elves said:No offense, but you opened this "discussion" with a near-straw man ("barbaric substitute") and then state that spanking will only cause pain and humiliation...your viewpoint on this type of discipline is your opinion.
It discourages people with a different opinion from speaking up, as you have already declared the practice to be horrific and wrong.
in own mind it set up a challenge: how do you defend the practise of striking a child?
the idea being to encourage people to closely examine the rationale behind spanking, beyond the obvious and commonly accepted perception that, yes, it does "get the job done".
-dh
Oh yeah...another interesting topic to debate over!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little open hand swat on the bum, when communication fails. Strike 3.......wack! If you don't put a touch of fear into your kids as young children, they sure won't fear you as a teenager.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little open hand swat on the bum, when communication fails. Strike 3.......wack! If you don't put a touch of fear into your kids as young children, they sure won't fear you as a teenager.
As a kid, I did get the stick quite a few times, though I may have deserved some sort of 'punishment', spanking never cured anything, it may have made me pull in my horns to alleviate the crisis at hand, but in retrospect, it made me bitter and vengeful, to this day! The psychological and emotional abuse was worse. Ok, I'm getting upset now....
As a parent, I am lucky, I was always able to talk to my kid and the few times that I couldn't get thru, then it was restrictions/loss of liberty/privileges that worked. I just couldn't bring myself to assault my daughter. And she turned out very well.
Though there are a few people out there that I would love to slip them some sid, tie them up naked in the back of my truck, take them thru a car wash with the hot wax and then spank them.
All while wearing leather and stiletto boots.
Mich
As a parent, I am lucky, I was always able to talk to my kid and the few times that I couldn't get thru, then it was restrictions/loss of liberty/privileges that worked. I just couldn't bring myself to assault my daughter. And she turned out very well.
Though there are a few people out there that I would love to slip them some sid, tie them up naked in the back of my truck, take them thru a car wash with the hot wax and then spank them.
All while wearing leather and stiletto boots. Mich
I'm definitely kind of a fence sitter on this one. I don't think a spanking should be out of the question but should be used very sparingly also. Like someone else here, I also had an experience when I was 6 years old with a schoolteacher slapping me really hard in front of the whole class. It wasn't so much the pain that bothered me it was the humiliation. To this day I still cannot remember why I was hit. It was probably because I was talking too much or something or I didn't use the formal "you" - which doesn't exist in English - in addressing her one time - either way I'm not really sure.
Having said that, I do think that a spanking in private where it doesn't involve public humiliation can be beneficial on the odd occasion having had a taste of it from my parents. Looking back I even think that I should have gotten a few more of those because now I realize that there are times I'm really ashamed of how disrespectful I've been towards them when I was in my early teens. They however, never punished me in any way in front of people and I think that makes a very important difference. I also have a cousin whose dad likes to go nuts on him for every little thing and well...needless to say it just becomes a very disgusting routine after some time without any positive effects.
btw being 20 years old now I still think about that teacher and fantasize about meeting her in the street and slapping her back as hard as I can and then letting her know why...call me crazy..
Having said that, I do think that a spanking in private where it doesn't involve public humiliation can be beneficial on the odd occasion having had a taste of it from my parents. Looking back I even think that I should have gotten a few more of those because now I realize that there are times I'm really ashamed of how disrespectful I've been towards them when I was in my early teens. They however, never punished me in any way in front of people and I think that makes a very important difference. I also have a cousin whose dad likes to go nuts on him for every little thing and well...needless to say it just becomes a very disgusting routine after some time without any positive effects.
btw being 20 years old now I still think about that teacher and fantasize about meeting her in the street and slapping her back as hard as I can and then letting her know why...call me crazy..
Michelle said:Though there are a few people out there that I would love to slip them some sid, tie them up naked in the back of my truck, take them thru a car wash with the hot wax and then spank them.
Mich
Heh, there are plenty of people who would volunteer. It takes all kinds. :tongue:
Michelle said:Though there are a few people out there that I would love to slip them some sid, tie them up naked in the back of my truck, take them thru a car wash with the hot wax and then spank them.
Mich
I'm outta here!
And people who believe that disciplining a child by an occasional spanking (which is not the same as backhanding a young person across the face) is an effective method of correcting behaviour would probably take issue with the idea that they had to "defend" anything.david henman said:...yes, i understand that. it was not the best approach for me to take.
in own mind it set up a challenge: how do you defend the practise of striking a child?
the idea being to encourage people to closely examine the rationale behind spanking, beyond the obvious and commonly accepted perception that, yes, it does "get the job done".
-dh
Personally I think that how people raise their children is their own business (within limits of course.)
I don't have a problem with spanking as a disciplinary measure, provided it's not an everyday occurrence and isn't the only method of punishment a parent utilizes. I sure had my fair share of it growing up (old school Italian parents). To their credit, my parents parenting skills weren't limited to spankings. They set limits for me and I knew the consequences of overstepping those boundaries.
While it seems as though more and more children are ill-mannered and disrespectful, I seriously doubt a good spanking would magically put an end to that behaviour.
That said, I'm 29 years old and if my mom waived a wooden spoon in my direction today I'd probably still run in the other direction
While it seems as though more and more children are ill-mannered and disrespectful, I seriously doubt a good spanking would magically put an end to that behaviour.
That said, I'm 29 years old and if my mom waived a wooden spoon in my direction today I'd probably still run in the other direction
ne1roc said:Oh yeah...another interesting topic to debate over!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little open hand swat on the bum, when communication fails. Strike 3.......wack! If you don't put a touch of fear into your kids as young children, they sure won't fear you as a teenager.
...which begs the question: is there a reason why your children should be afraid of you?
-dh
...i agree. but this isn't about minding other people's business. its a philosophical discussion of the pros and cons of spanking.The Kicker Of Elves said:And people who believe that disciplining a child by an occasional spanking (which is not the same as backhanding a young person across the face) is an effective method of correcting behaviour would probably take issue with the idea that they had to "defend" anything.
Personally I think that how people raise their children is their own business (within limits of course.)
perhaps "defend" is not the right word. "justify" might be more accurate.
i'm still convinced that spanking is a poor substitute for good parenting skills and the ability to communicate with and discipline a child.
one of the first things i discovered raising a daughter was how happy she was when she understood her boundaries. you could actually see a sense of liberation on her face once she knew where the lines were drawn, and now she was free to get on with the business of having fun rather than being subject to internal forces that push her to see how far she can go and how much she can get away with.
ultimately, don't you have to ask yourself how parents manage to raise their children successfully without resorting to hitting them?
-dh
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