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Discussion Starter #1
well i just started to write poems... and i thought maybe i would post some when i write the heres one... tell me what you guys think about it

TITLE: Being taken over

As it starts to rain,
I walk outside,
fall to the ground,
On my knees with no sound,
no sound around me.
My head begins to spin,
spins in a crazzy world of emotion and pain.
As i feel alone.
Rain pouring upon me.
I start to cry,
placing my hands over my eyes,
not understanding why,
these emotional tears stream down.
But as i think,
think real hard,
with a frown,
I come to realize,
my head is picturing things,
things i cant control.
As the rain still pours,
i look up and shout.
As i picture i am being swallowed up,
swallowed up by a shadow,
a shadow of darkness.
While my throat starts to throb,
my eyes burning,
head aches,
tears burst out, not being able to control it,
happining all on its own,
as it takes,
takes over me.
 

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I like how it starts and I feel its going to lead me somewhere but it just seems to fragment. But I really like the way you write. Keep it up!
 

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Discussion Starter #6
thanks guys... not bad for a starter.. ill write more and post them once there written... and Tarbender thanks for the critisism i can see what you mean by how it starts being fragmented ill keep it in mind with my next poem:thanks5qx:
 
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