The Canadian Guitar Forum banner

1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,790 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
What a sad day yesterday was for me my wife is at her wits end over my medical problems and I see it is really starting to wear on her both physically and mentally and I have not been able to figure out how in green earth do I help her.
She tells me she is frustrated because she wants to know what is going on with me when the pain happens and I blurt out how sore it is and me well I don't want to over whelm her so I just tell little white lies so as not to over burden her and yet she seems to know the truth when she hears me trying to catch some air.
I guess because I am so pragmatic I deal with it as just being fact that I don't have shit load of time left and I am not afraid of kicking the bucket. We have prepared all the things necessary living will and all that fun stuff but how do you prepare someone who has loved you through great times and not so great times and yet is still in your corner to keeping you here.
I have to say that this is one of the toughest challenges of my life and I can only guess that my kids may have been lying to me also in telling me that they are understand and are prepared.
Well that's my thought this morning and it just isn't easy figuring this kind of stuff out man I wish it was I hate seeing others suffer for something like this and I have learnt that friends well they leave a lot sooner not all but my closet one did very quickly and eventually others to.
What a life the big guy has given me sheesh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
24,496 Posts
My mom passed away from cancer back in 1981. Until almost her very last day, when it had metastasized to her liver and eliminated speech, she phoned her mother every day around 1PM, and bullshitted about her health and day. My grandmother was in her 90's, frail, stone blind and never left the house, so it was easy to lie to her; particularly since calls were always TO her and never FROM her, so there would never be any surprises. And generally, in those last two months, my mom's lucidity was restricted to the early afternoon, and outside of that she was pretty much an idiot, who responded to queries with "mmm-hmm" and a blank stare. So the afternoon call caught her at her best, and maintained the illusion.

I don't say this to paint any sort of grim picture for you, or cast your own health struggle in any different light than you already have. Just to say that I understand there ARE occasions where "the health lie" is the right and feasible thing to do. And sometimes it isn't.

There are so many ways in life that one can be a witness to suffering and feel like you're on the other side of an impenetrable 6-inch thick pane of glass that lets you SEE the suffering, but be unable to do anything about it. I have a feeling that this pane of glass allows parties on both sides to look in the other's direction.

Sometimes, it can be comforting to both parties for the observer to be able to say "I know I can't do much, but to the extent that I can, I'll be here for you. Know that."
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top