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Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’
 
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It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’
 
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The boy takes the quarters and leaves. ‘What did I tell you?’ said the barber. ‘That kid never learns!’ Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. ‘Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?’ The boy licked his cone and replied, ‘Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!’
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Guy goes to the Dr. to pick up his wife's results from some extensive tests.

The Dr. tells him: "we have a problem sir, we have mixed your wife's exams with another patient, and we are not sure if she has HIV or Alzheimer's"

Puzzled, the guy goes WTF am I supposed to do?

Which the Dr. replied: "Take her to the forest, leave her there, IF she returns home? Don't sleep with her.
 

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A wandering poor guy finds a magic lantern on a beach. The genie appears and says the milstones of the god grinded his power so he can offer only one wish. The guy ask a for bridge from Montreal to Paris so that he could meet his girlfriend in Paris. The genie is a bit frustrated and offers to honor an alternative wish instead. Well, he would certainly be glad to understand women's thoughts says the guy. Well, asked the genie, which width and color for the bridge ?
 

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In the same vein:

A farmer on the prairies won $5M. When asked what he'd do with all that money, he said he'd just keep farming till it was all gone.
 
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An Amish farmer has to go into town to do some business. He decides to take his wife and son because none of them have ever been to town.
He finds the building he is looking for and they all go inside. His wife sees a small shop and goes in to look around while he and their son take
care of business. He knows he needs to go to the 3rd floor, but can't find the stairs. They see a large metal door with numbers on it with an older
unattractive woman standing in front of it. All of a sudden the doors opens to a room with no exit, and the woman gets in it and the doors close.
The numbers over the door go up to 6 and then back down to 1 and the doors open. A beautiful woman steps out and the doors close again.
The father looks at his son and says "Boy, go get your mother."
 
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