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Discussion Starter #1
At least according to this spam email which appears to have been written by a 10 year old on crack.


Mr,JOHN KELLY <[email protected]>
11:04 (2 hours ago)


to



THE NEW MANAGER OF WESTERN UNION
DEAR ESTEEMED CUSTOMER,
I AM Mr,JOHN KELLY PLEASE WE ARE VERY SORRY FOR
ALL THE PROBLEM THAT YOU HAVE PASSED THROUGH BECAUSE OF THIS YOUR
BELONG PAYMENT OF WHICH YOU FAILED TILL NOW, FIRST OF ALL, I WANT TO
INTRODUCE

MY SELF TO YOU, I AM THE NEW ELECTED DIRECTOR GENERAL OF WESTERN UNION
OFFICE BENIN REPUBLIC I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN LAST WEEK. I AM WRITING THIS
MAIL WITH DEEP SORROW, I SAW YOUR NAME ON OUR FILE YESTERDAY THROUGH
MY SEARCHING AS THE ONE OF THE MOST BENEFICIARY WHICH DID NOT RECEIVE
YOUR FUND VALUED $6.8, 000.00 USD WHICH SUPPOSES TO BE TRANSFERRING AT
THE RATE OF $6, 000.00 PER DAY DURING FORMER MANAGER REGIME. THE
REASON I AM EMAILING YOU TODAY IS TO INFORM YOU THAT THE FORMER
WESTERN UNION MANAGER. HAS BEEN SACKED OUT SINCE LAST WEEK DUE TO HIS
ILLEGAL WORK

UNGODLY ACT, I AM HERE TO INFORM YOU THAT THE ONLY THING THAT WILL
LEAD YOU TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND IS BY TRUSTING ME AND FOLLOW MY
DIRECTION. YOU SENT Lots of MONEY TO HIM IN ORDER TO GET YOUR FUND
WHICH FAILS. THEREFORE I AM TO TELL YOU THAT THE REASON YOU DID NOT
RECEIVE YOUR FUND IS BECAUSE YOU DID NOT FOLLOW THE DIRECT WAY TO GET
YOUR FUND BUT TO EXTORTING MONEY FROM YOU IN VARIOUS QUARTERS. DUE TO
THE FORMER MANAGER'S ATTITUDE WE THEREFORE RESOLVE TO SACKED HIM OUT
SINCE HE

DIDN'T KEEP OUR INSTRUCTION,
SO NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED TO PAY YOU BECAUSE ALL OUR INVESTIGATED
CONFIRMED THAT YOU ARE THE RIGHT PERSON TO RECEIVE THIS FUND NOTE WE
HAVE TWO OPTION TO PAY YOU AND YOUR THE ONE TO MAKE YOUR CHOICE OPTION
(1) 0UR WESTERN UNION GOLD CARD WHICH YOU WILL WITHDRAW DAILY $4000.00
OPTION (2) RECEIVE DAILY CASH $5, 000.00 TILL THE TOTAL PAYMENT
COMPLETED. THERE IS ONE CERTIFICATE CALLED (FUND RELEASE ORDER
CERTIFICATES) WHICH YOU SUPPOSE TO OBTAIN FROM FEDERAL HIGH COURT

SERVICES WHICH WILL NOTICED THAT YOU ARE NOT A BENIN CITIZEN BUT YOU
DID NOT HAVE IT AND THAT IS ONLY WHAT YOU NEEDED NOW. ACCORDING TO THE
INSTRUCTION PASSED TO THIS WESTERN UNION DEPARTMENT FROM THE OFFICE OF
THE (FEDERAL HIGH COURT SERVICES) THIS WILL DULY GUARANTEE AND COVER
THE MONEY AS BEING LEGITIMATELY ACQUIRED FROM THE BENIN GOVERNMENT
SO I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOUR FUND OF $6.8000.00 USD IS STILL WITH
THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ACCOUNT BUT IT WILL RELEASE IMMEDIATELY TO THIS
WESTERN UNION OFFICE AS SOON AS YOU
OBTAINTHEFUNDRELEASEORDERERTIFICATES)


ACCORDING TO OUR MESSENGER WHICH WENT TO THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT
SERVICES OFFICE BENIN REPUBLIC FOR THE RELEASE ORDER CERTIFICATES HE
TOLD US THAT IT WILL COST YOU THE SUM OF $185.00 ONLY FOR THE OBTAIN
OF IT, SO HE TOLD US THAT THEY WILL ISSUE IT WITHIN ONE DAY IF THE FEE
WILL BE PAID. SO RECONFIRM US YOUR FULL ADDRESS WITH THE OPTION EITHER
YOU WANT IT

GOLD CARD OR DAILY PER OK I WILL BE AWAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY
WITH THE PAYMENT
INFORMATION TO OBTAIN THE FUND RELEASE ORDER CERTIFICATES,

RECEIVERNAME:::::::::::::: Basil king
COUNTRY::::::::::::::::::::BENIN REPUBLIC
CITY :::::::::::::::::::COTONOU
TEXT QUESTION:::::::::::::GOOD
TEXT ANSWER:::::::::::::::::: BEST
AMOUNT:::::::::::::::::::::$185
MTCN:::::::::::::::::::::::?
SENDER::::::::::::::::::::::?
I AM HERE GIVING YOUR GUARANTEE AND ALSO

100 % PERCENT ASSURANCE THAT THIS IS THE ONLY MONEY YOU WILL PAY AND
AFTER YOU PAY IT YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR FUND IMMEDIATELY. I WILL BE

WAITING RIGHT TO HAVE THE PAYMENT INFORMATION IN ORDER TO ENABLE US
OBTAIN THIS NEEDED CERTIFICATE TODAY.
EMAIL [email protected]([email protected])
REGARDS,Mr,JOHN KELLY
 

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64 Gretsch 6120, 65 Fender Tremolux and a 58 Supro 1624T
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All caps means he's angry!
 

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I'd say electric is a better choice,it needs a wah wah.... 'cause it's f*@ked !
I was thinking more of a slow, quiet acoustic piece. Just someone singing it quietly with an acoustic guitar while everyone at the venue has no @#$%ing clue what's going on.
 

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Jeebus, he took a typewriter out into the woods and had an ape pound on it, then had a secretary transcribe it to email.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Ha, I've tried writing back to these idiots but they never respond. Why bother spamming me if you're just going to ignore my attempts to make new friends in Nigeria, Benin, or wherever.
 

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I thought you were going to be the king of herbs and spices (and up to no good with them).
 

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On another forum that I administer we have a rather long thread dedicated to these as I get them all the time.

As for the language, it is always bad but if you check the email address on the one in the OP you will see 'jp' which stands for Japan. So this was some Japanese guy trying to write in English.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Or, some Nigerian Prince, pretending to be a Japanese guy pretending to be bad at English. We'll never know, the world is full of mystery.
 

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But, but, but ........ you've got a guarantee and also 100% assurance from Mr,JIM KELLY. That's like money in the bank right there. Right?


Wouldn't you be if you're name was "Basil from Benin"?
Careful. He'll whip you to death with a shrub.......

upload_2018-6-29_8-33-20.jpeg
 

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Hmm .. apparently, John Kelly rose from the dead? Hallelujah!

This Guy’s Email Exchange With A Scammer Turned Into A Hilarious Story

"John Kelly passed out in the early hours of yesterday and his remains have been deposited in a mortuary and will be burried on the Monday next week."

OMFG, if they did that to people who passed out where I grew up, myself and my buddies would have had more resurrections than a dozen cats before I was 25. Kind harsh treatment for getting a bit hammed, no?
 
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