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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
With all the grindy divisive politics and the world the way it is today, I am finding myself wanting to be a nicer person. In real life. I find myself being more defensive and quick to thump out someone verbally when I get a hint of BS. As an example, when someone cuts me off and then steals my parking spot, how to smile and wave them into the spot, as opposed to getting triggered. How to always treat everyone with the kindness and patients. To give the benefit of the doubt. To try to remember others may have big issues that they are dealing with, and to be compassionate.

Any tips from the pros?
 

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Just realize that ‘people are people’ and almost nobody behaves like almost everyone does in the internet. (Adding, and in their car where they are mostly isolated from the world with low consequences for bad manners). Have manners. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Sure, there’s often someone who wants to spoil the day of everyone they come in contact with, be fast to recognize it and disengage as quickly as possible, or if not possible kill them with kindness - often their defences come down and there’s a reasonable human being inside. Realize that shyness is often mistaken for aloofness. Or that aloofness is a defence mechanism rather than ‘I’m better than you’ arrogance.

But some people are just dicks. Don’t let them get under your skin, get past them and get on with your day.

Smile. It makes people smile back, pretty frequently.

Oh, this is a big one for me...don’t hold grudges. You’re giving your enemy free living space in your head. Have a short memory and a long fuse.

Man, this feels like a mhammer post, hope this isn’t trolling lol.
 

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I used to road rage but this What the Bleep Do We Know!? - Wikipedia showed me that I was the one having the emotional response, not the idiot in front of me reading War and Peace while straddling the left and middle lanes. They posit that our brain can respond to anger (and other emotions) similarly to how it responds to heroin (and other drugs). We can possibly be addicted to negative emotions, and feed off our own anger and looking for 'repeated fixes'. Kind of a sobering (pun intended) concept.


If that doesn't work, this thread https://guitarscanada.com/index.php?threads/weed-weed-weed.226095/ may lead you to a solution.
 

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Life isn't an asshole competition, in spite of half the world's efforts to prove otherwise. Being kind, tolerant, patient, and considerate in face of the obverse gets easier but I think it's worth forgiving yourself for the times when your limit is reached.
 

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Anger is generally a reflective of what Daniel Kahneman refers to as Type 1 thinking/processing ( Thinking, Fast and Slow - Wikipedia ). That is the near reflexive, largely unconscious, processing that occurs within the first instants of some information being presented. We do a superficial threat-assessment, and react accordingly. As much research has shown, it is VERY hard to suppress, though it is equally clearly a product of learning, and so can be unlearned (or at least replaced by other learning). As such, I think it would be hard for anyone to avoid reacting in irritable manners if the associations that prompt it are deeply entrenched. Simply "making up your mind" will have little power. Moreover, automatic hostile or mistrusting responses will tend to provoke similar in others, which too often serves to further entrench the Type 1 reactions. If people are prodded into behaving like outright pricks, then it becomes hard to escape the automatic and implicit association that they ARE, and will behave like, pricks.

HOWEVER...

Willpower CAN be productively incorporated into Type/System 2 thinking. It may be difficult to suppress initial automatic responses, but there is nothing, except for maybe willingness and usable "scripts", that would prevent one from apologizing or otherwise defusing situations when one's initial reaction was unnecessarily hostile.

"Maybe that came off a little strong"
"I'm sorry, I wasn't angry at you in particular"
"I hope that didn't come off mistrusting or hostile"
etc., etc.

With time and practice, the consequences of such Type 2 thinking, and the resulting interactions, can come to replace the more conflict-prone Type 1 processing.
 

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One thing that works for me if I remember to use it, especially in traffic is imagine the other person in the offending vehicle is a dear loved one whom you're following home. If they were to make a typically offending move you'd give them the benefit of a doubt about any nefarious intent and probably be pretty chill about it... kinda goes out the window when they're being a dick on purpose in which case you want to beat them till they curse their mother for ever meeting their father!
 

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If anybody tells you that being mad is a bad thing well they fall into a trap, being mad isn't a bad thing its what you do with that anger that is the bad thing if you use it against yourself. It is a perfectly normal thing for folks to get angry at something they can't control and of course your first response is to strike out but in the end you have to know that that won't get you what you really want like that parking spot or if someone cuts you off well I know I get angry about it but at the same time I stop and think shit I cut someone off by accident last week because it was an accident and that shit happens ALL THE TIME. So try to think before you react and take a moment or even two could help you to stop and remember we are not perfect and if we ever reach that point well good luck with that right. We all fuck up at times hell I know there are a few here that can at times get my blood boiling then I remember they have their faults to like thinking their point is more valuable or important then ours and maybe it is to them but so what right its just a forum and life will go on.
 

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I've come to the conclusion that some people simply Choose to go through life miserable; just never happy no matter how good things are.

I also think some people genuinely struggle with day to day life; not personal demons, just have a hard time finding their place in the world.

Others lack confidence where it counts and to cover it up choose false bravado or made up conflict/victimhood.

The rest of us simply want to get from cradle to grave with a stable loving family and trustworthy friends.

Most people are good people. Some however are truly evil. The world was never and will never be a safe place, it's just nature.

Guess my advice, allow concessions to those in the first 3 lines, try to surround yourself with those in the 4th line and avoid or defend yourself/family and friends from those in the last line. But then what do I know, we all see the world through our own eyes.
 

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This reminds me a joke...
At a psychiatrists convention, in an ascalator, a particularly tall man just spitted on the head of the shorter man before him. As I stared at them, the shorter man whispered to me : "That's HIS own problem."
 

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Read The Power of Positive Thinking (Norman Peale).

It's old, it's got a Christian bent at times. But it's simple and it reminds you how easy it is to be more positive, and direct that positivity toward others.
 

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Read The Power of Positive Thinking (Norman Peale).

It's old, it's got a Christian bent at times. But it's simple and it reminds you how easy it is to be more positive, and direct that positivity toward others.
Another good one, dated but totally relevant, How To Win Friends And Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. The world famous public speaking and human relations course taught for something like 50+ years is based around that book. I took that course when I was 19 (sponsored by my boss), it changed my life massively and I still use aspects from that book (and indeed some in my post above aren't quotes but are based around its principals) today at 55.

A lot of it is built around positive self talk ('act enthusiastic and you will BE enthusiastic'), but there's so much more than that. Making first impressions, tips for speaking, tips for memory particularly names, and on and on. People skills.
 

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Not to take anything away from these sincere and informative suggestions, but the OP asked how to BE a nicer person, not how to be better able to persuade others that he's a nice person: a more ontological question. Granted, being nicer does have benefits in terms of eliciting more cooperation and general all-round niceness from others.

That said, sincere attempts at self-improvement can often lead to somewhere better, no matter the route taken.
 

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One thing that works for me if I remember to use it, especially in traffic is imagine the other person in the offending vehicle is a dear loved one whom you're following home. If they were to make a typically offending move you'd give them the benefit of a doubt about any nefarious intent and probably be pretty chill about it... kinda goes out the window when they're being a dick on purpose in which case you want to beat them till they curse their mother for ever meeting their father!
I was in the car with my dad driving a couple of years ago and saw him do such a super dick thing. I said, "You f....... a......"
 

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To many pricks in life to be able to always be nice... You just end up with a knife in the back...

I say be nice most of the time and know when to be a prick to defend yourself...
 

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Life isn't an asshole competition, in spite of half the world's efforts to prove otherwise. Being kind, tolerant, patient, and considerate in face of the obverse gets easier but I think it's worth forgiving yourself for the times when your limit is reached.
A lot of truth there.

i would also add listening to others-get to know them as people.
You won't click with everybody & that's ok.
But you can still treat them as people --without being negative to them.
 
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