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A friend sent me the following (source unknown):


Captain Beefheart's Ten Commandments For Guitarists:



1. LISTEN TO THE BIRDS...That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.



2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR...Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.



3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH...Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.



4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL...Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.



5. IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT...If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.



6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE...Your instrument has more power than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.



7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY...You must carry your key and use it when called upon. That's your part of the bargain. Like One String Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a homemade instrument. His song "I Need A Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you want to look up her dress to see how he's doing it.



8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT...You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.



9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE...When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with it.



10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE...Wear a hat when you play and keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a wet paper towel around it to make it grow.
 

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haha, wow. that is quite something...not likin the "dont wipe your instrument" tho. divining rod and the first one are pretty good
 

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Meh. It's just an abstract way of saying "strive to find your own mojo" and "when you find it, don't let go".

A lot of it actually resonates with me. Especially #5, "IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT", as most of my favorite players seem to have an innate ability to tune the world out and seemingly connect with their instrument; their guitar (or whatever instrument) becomes an extension to their person rather than subject to it, and that's something I've always struggled with.
 

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lol captain beefheart- one of my favourites-
you know, van vliet is a genius, its just that his approach to writing is so strange and simple that it seems goofy to many.
ry cooder played on his 'safe as milk' album-
that one, as well as 'the mirror man sessions', 'lick my decals off baby' and 'doc at the radar station' are all time faves of mine- full of killer slide work- as are all of his albums.
awesome songwriter and poet if you give it a chance. i have all of his studio albums and a ton of live stuff- probbly 30 cds or so worth
 
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