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Beer Bug Blues

2956 Views 14 Replies 11 Participants Last post by  RIFF WRATH
I live in the country adjacent to corn fields and am plagued by beer bugs.(latin name: beer-ass bug-ass)
Have tried just about everything to eliminate and/or discourage the pesky little critters, just short of using a shot gun and burning the corn crop.
I thought very, very briefly about quitting beer drinking outside but after a few moments of deep thought this was decidedly not a viable option.

I came to the following conclusions: The little beggars must be trapped and eradicated. Scientific experimentation was deemed necessary.

I proceeded to set up 2 traps stratigically located adjacent to my outside lounging area. 20 ft from the epicenter. The traps consist of clear plastic tubs (the kind that you get those highly addictive chocolate covered almonds in). The clear plastic affords high visibility to monitor the effectiveness of the traps from a semi reclining position. Note: a larger trap was momentarily considered but given the expense of the bait the smaller size just made more sense. An added option for the traps was a wooden flat paint mixing stick duct taped vertically to the side of the trap. Note: may have to shim the stick.The theory was that the beer bugs would crash into the stick and fall into the trap. (don't laugh, I read about this somewhere)
The bait I used initailly was 2 beers I discovered in the bottom of my golf bag from last years season. I found, almost immediately that the bugs are very selective and prefer fresh beer.
The next bait I tried was a girly (oops-politically incorrect),low fat, watery, diet beer someone left in my shop fridge. After careful observation, deliberation, and much irritation I deduced that they preferred my particular brand of beer.
I fnally gave in and used my manly (oops-politically incorrect), full bodied (oops again) locally brewed, 2 day old Canadian beer. Boy-Oh-Boy, they went for it. They sure did and do like my taste in beer. In fact they like it so much (not for the faint of heart) they dive, jump, fall right in, drink away, get drunk and after dog paddling for a while pass out and drown. Note: do not overfill the trap, only about 1/2 full - can get overly expensive and wastefull.
The traps were found to be about 80% effective. For the other 20% I found that suitable head apparrel is required and of course, untuck your shirt.
Costs may vary, but approx. 1 pint per day.
Note: only authentic duct tape was used in these trials. A daily refill with fresh bait is recommended, especially if the bait becomes contaminated with rain water.
Disclaimer: this author can not be held responsible for any accidents that occur while loading the trap mechanisms. Actual results may vary.
PS: am currently looking for suggestions for the disposal of the thousands of little beer marinated, protein filled crunchy bodies. (perhaps saute'd on staek?)
cheers, and enjoy the great outdoors
RIFF WRATH
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Beer bug: A cap that's on so tight you have to get out a bottle opener.
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