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I hated the vocals, he was trying to fit in too many syllables in places where it doesent belong. The riff for the verse is fine but you need to change it up much more.
 

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I just read a long and interesting thread about playing originals Vrs. covers.

Then I looked up this thread and heard what I guess is an original song.

I would realy like to take some time and be constructive BUT I am old and neither have the time or patience anymore.

Good luck to Japan and may the music gods be kind to you.
 

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Japn set ablaze - Yeah, less words per measure. Also there places were the vocals wer like slightly off, maybe a 16th or 32nd of tone.
 
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