My favorite guitarist joke

[faracaster]

Have I posted this before??????
If so forgive me......I was deleteing emails and found this one.
Hey.....if I have have it's worth a second guffaw




Dear Abby...
I think my wife is cheating on me. I am a working musician and, as
you would expect, travel a lot. I have been noticing strange things
happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and she steps
outside to answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later". When I
ask her who called she gets evasive.
Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting
dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way.
I once picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got
very angry.
A buddy of mine plays guitar in a band. He told me that my wife and
some guy have been to his gigs.
He wanted to borrow my guitar amp. That's when I got the idea to find
out for myself what was really happening. I said "sure, you can use
my amp but I want to hide behind it and the gig and see if she comes
into the venue and who she comes in with". He agreed.
Saturday night came and I slipped behind my Marshall JCM800 half stack
to get a good view. I could feel the heat coming off the back of the
amp. It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I
noticed that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the other 3.
Is this something I can fix myself or do need to take it to a
technician?
Thanks
Very Concerned.

[Spikezone]

I don't get it...HAHHAHHAH! JUST KIDDING! Very funny!
-Mikey

[Gilliangirl]

Good one, Faracaster!

Here's mine. A friend just posted this recently on the Gibson forum.....

What's the difference between a pop guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

The pop guitarist plays 3 chords in front of a 1000 people and the jazz guitarist plays 1000 chords in front of 3 people.

:D

[suttree]

oh you had to start the ball rolling.

my favourites.. Q: what's the best way to get a guitarist to turn down (volume)?

A: put a chart in front of him.

and an "R" rated one, Q: what does a stripper do with her ***hole before work?

A: drops him off at band practice. :D

Q: what does it mean if the drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?

A: the drum riser is level.

[guitarman2]

Have I posted this before??????
If so forgive me......I was deleteing emails and found this one.
Hey.....if I have have it's worth a second guffaw




Dear Abby...
I think my wife is cheating on me. I am a working musician and, as
you would expect, travel a lot. I have been noticing strange things
happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and she steps
outside to answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later". When I
ask her who called she gets evasive.
Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting
dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way.
I once picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got
very angry.
A buddy of mine plays guitar in a band. He told me that my wife and
some guy have been to his gigs.
He wanted to borrow my guitar amp. That's when I got the idea to find
out for myself what was really happening. I said "sure, you can use
my amp but I want to hide behind it and the gig and see if she comes
into the venue and who she comes in with". He agreed.
Saturday night came and I slipped behind my Marshall JCM800 half stack
to get a good view. I could feel the heat coming off the back of the
amp. It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I
noticed that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the other 3.
Is this something I can fix myself or do need to take it to a
technician?
Thanks
Very Concerned.

I saw this joke on a golf forum changed to relate to golf equipment.

[Evilmusician]

Two explorers are in the the jungle with a guide ,faintly they can here drums in the distance ,There Guide suddenly says"Oh very bad if drums stop!"
The two explorers look at each other kinda puzzled ,thinking what could he mean by that?
Meanwhile the drums have gotten louder
There Guide says again "Oh very very bad if drums stop!"
The explorers are getting worried now ,and ask the Guide "so what happens if the drums stop ?


The guide replies "When drums stop ,bass solo!:banana:

I suck at telling jokes but I really liked this one cheers!:rockon:

[devnulljp]

A young, single woman is feeling very ill and undergoes an extensive series of tests done by her doctor. After weeks of tests and more tests, the doctor calls her in and tells her, "I have to be frank with you the test results are not good. You have an incurable disease, and it is terminal. You likely have no more than six months to live."
Devastated, she asks the doctor, "Is there anything I can do?"
The doctor says, "Well, if I were you I would run out and marry a shred guitar player ASAP."
She asks, "How will that help my illness?"
The doctor says, "Oh it won't help your illness, but it will make that six months seem like an eternity!"

Boom Boom!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcfour/features/images/childrens70s_basil_brush_gal.jpg

[Ti-Ron]

devnulljp: I really love that one! Damn shredders! :P

[dcimh]

What is the difference between a banjo and an onion?


No one cries when you cut a banjo in half

[danbo]

A one time musician reaches adulthood...it does happen...gives up the rock and roll life style and marries. He gets the mortgage and the kid. The child reaches his teenage years and hearing of Dad's youthful adventures decides that he too would like to become a musician.

Dad says, "Okay, but you must do this properly and take lessons on the instrument. What do you want to play?"

Junior replies, "I want to be a bass player."

"Fine," says the proud Dad and he goes out and buys a Junior a bass and amp and arranges for the lessons. Junior returns from his first lesson and Dad asks how it went. "Great!" says the lad,"I learned all the notes on the E string." "Terrific!", Dad replies.

The next week Junior returns from the 2nd lesson. Dad asks again how it went. "Cool", says Junior, "I learned all the notes on the A string." "Good progress," smile Dad.

The next week Dad comes home to find Junior sitting with his Nintendo. "Hey, I thought you had a bass lesson today. " Junior looks up and says, "Yeah, but I blew it off, I've got a gig."

[danbo]

A young boy and his mother are walking down the street and the boy turns to his mother and says "when I grow up I want to be a musician"
his mother replies "Now now son you cant do both"! :banana:

[Spike]

How do you know when there is a singer at the door?

They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

[zontar]

Hey--there's some repeats from the last time!

But that's okay--they still make me laugh.

[Stratocaster]

How do you know when there is a singer at the door?

They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

LOL THIS POST IS FULL OF WIN

[Spikezone]

I'm lovin' this thread!
-Mikey

[devnulljp]

Slightly OT.
Two bass players were engaged for a run of Carmen. After a couple of weeks, they agreed each to take an afternoon off in turn to go and watch the matinee performance from the front of house.
Joe duly took his break; back in the pit that evening, Moe asked how it was.
"Great," says Joe. "You know that bit where the music goes `BOOM Boom Boom Boom'--well there are some guys up top singing a terrific song about a Toreador at the same time."

[suttree]

Q: what's the definition of perfect pitch?

A: when you throw the banjo just so it hits the accordion player in the head.

Q: how many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: one. he puts the bulb in the socket and waits for the world to turn around him.

[zontar]

Q: what's the definition of perfect pitch?

A: when you throw the banjo just so it hits the accordion player in the head.



Great joke.

Reminds of a Far Side at this site (http://www.concertinamusic.com/sbox/humor.html)-along with other accordion jokes.

I also like this one (http://boneymountainmamas.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/farside_banjo2.jpg), and also
this one. (http://boneymountainmamas.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/farside_banjo1.jpg)


Sorry Banjo & accordion players.

But here's a guitar related one (http://www.kresha.com/pictures/fs_suck_knob.jpg).

[suttree]

Great joke.

Reminds of a Far Side at this site (http://www.concertinamusic.com/sbox/humor.html)-along with other accordion jokes.

I also like this one (http://boneymountainmamas.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/farside_banjo2.jpg), and also
this one. (http://boneymountainmamas.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/farside_banjo1.jpg)


Sorry Banjo & accordion players.

But here's a guitar related one (http://www.kresha.com/pictures/fs_suck_knob.jpg).

actually i recall hearing somewhere that gary larson attributed his sense of humour to having worked in a guitar store.. having done so myself, i can see it... also, there's another great far side with "welcome to heaven here's your harp, welcome to hell, here's your accordion" or something. i'm a huge fan of the far side. best one of all is this one though:
http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/3871/chickenofdepressionup9.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/3871/chickenofdepressionup9.ab7acf6501.jpg (http://g.imageshack.us/g.php?h=405&i=chickenofdepressionup9.jpg)

[Stratocaster]

http://i27.tinypic.com/qn5gk9.jpg

[Robert1950]

This is a bit of a highjack but hey: Oxymoron - Drum Music.

[zontar]

also, there's another great far side with "welcome to heaven here's your harp, welcome to hell, here's your accordion" or something.

That one is on the first link I posted--just scroll down a bit.